Calling In, Calling Out and Calling On: Rethinking How We Respond to Bias at Work

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

You’ve heard it. I’ve heard it. We’ve all heard it. So. Many. Times.

In my early days as a DEI practitioner, I regularly witnessed well-meaning people shut down, lash out, or retreat entirely after being called out for saying or doing something exclusionary. Hey it still happens sometimes in my training workshops! And while accountability is essential, back then I always asked myself: is there a more effective way to bring someone into the conversation without pushing them out of it?

Cue the wisdom of Loretta J. Ross and her powerful TED Talk: “Don’t Call People Out—Call Them In.” Her message? We don’t have to cancel people to hold them accountable. We can invite them into learning instead. And after all I’ve learnt doing this work – it aligns exactly with the approach I try to take.

Let’s talk about what that actually looks like in practice, and why it might just be one of the most powerful tools in your inclusive leadership toolkit.

The Problem With the “Perfect Call-Out”

Calling someone out can feel good. Righteous, even. A quick correction in a meeting, a spicy reply to a sexist comment, or a company-wide Slack clapback.

And sometimes? It’s absolutely necessary. When harm is ongoing or when power dynamics make private conversations ineffective, a public challenge can be an important boundary-setting moment.

But when calling out becomes our default? We risk turning teachable moments into shame spirals. We alienate people who might otherwise be open to change. Worse, we send a message that perfection is the entry fee for participation in DEI. (Spoiler: that’s not sustainable for anyone.)

As Ross puts it, “Shaming doesn’t lead to learning, it leads to silence.”

I’ve seen this firsthand. A senior leader once described to me his hesitation in speaking up about DEI at all, because he got jumped on in a meeting once for saying something he now recognises is racist. “I don’t know what I don’t know! How many more of my go to sayings and phrases have a racist undertone that I’m unaware of?” Now of course, I counselled this leader to do some more research himself and, almost more importantly, be brave enough to get things wrong and listen to the feedback he receives. But as we know, not everyone in our organisations has the resilience and motivation to do those things. So if they say something, get heavily criticised for it and then never come to the conversation again?

Well that is a loss for everyone.

So What’s the Alternative? Calling In and Calling On

Calling in doesn’t mean ignoring harm. It means addressing it with care, nuance, and a genuine invitation to grow.

It might sound like:

“I know your intent was good, but the impact landed differently. Can we talk about it?”

Or:

“That phrase has a loaded history, mind if I share what I’ve learned?”

Calling in works best when there’s some level of trust, or when the goal is to maintain connection and learning.

Calling on, a term Ross adds to the mix, is especially helpful in group settings or when you want to distribute responsibility. Instead of spotlighting one person’s misstep, you call on the group to examine a pattern:

“I’ve noticed we often default to the same voices in this conversation. How can we create space for others to weigh in?”

It’s not about diluting the message, it’s about increasing the chances it’s heard.

But What If They’re Just Not Open to It?

Ah yes: “But Bree, what if they don’t want to change?”

Let’s be honest, not everyone is ready. Not everyone is safe to call in. And some folks will double down no matter how gently you approach them.

That’s where judgment comes in. Calling in isn’t a rule, it’s a strategy. One of many. The trick is knowing when it serves the goal of inclusion, and when a firmer boundary (like calling out) is necessary.

But in my experience, more people are open to change than we think, they’re just afraid to admit what they don’t know. And when we lead with curiosity, empathy, and just the right amount of courage, we help them step in, instead of shutting down.

Inclusion Isn’t Perfection. It’s Practice.

Let’s be real: DEI work is messy. People will make mistakes. We will make mistakes. The goal isn’t to get it right all the time, it’s to keep coming back to the work, again and again, with humility and intention.

So the next time you’re tempted to respond with a perfectly witty correction (we’ve all been there), pause. Ask:

Is this a teachable moment?

Would a more compassionate approach lead to better long-term impact?

How do I model the kind of leadership I want to see?

Because real inclusion isn’t just about what we know, it’s about how we show up when it’s hard.

Want to dig deeper into inclusive communication and leadership?

Book a chat to explore how I could support your team with an Inclusive Leadership Workshop.

Let’s not just call people out, let’s call them forward.

Inspired by Loretta J. Ross’s TED Talk: Don’t Call People Out—Call Them In

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